Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
