For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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