i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
