i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
