hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
