I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
