Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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