i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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