Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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