i just had sex bonerless
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
