well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just had sex on a roof
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
