Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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