Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
