I want to walk on stilts...naked
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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