I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
