i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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