The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
