Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
