I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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