i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At least life still wants to fuck me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
