when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Randomize
