He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
