and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
