There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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