ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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