there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
