i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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