My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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