hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
