a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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