I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
