my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to calm my uterus...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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