so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
