You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
