Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
