You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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