it's too hot outside to masturbate.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
