Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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