physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
