that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
