I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
