We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
