This is not my ceiling
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
