the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
