escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you inspire me to be a worse person
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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