my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
