Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
