Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
