I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
ttyl tear gas
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
