I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
