I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
